My Life's Declaration

As the song goes, “I’ve got the world on a string, sitting on a rainbow. Got the string around my finger, what a world what a life…I’m in love!” (Frank Sinatra)

My life has come full circle. It just registered this weekend waiting on these results that everything is in its place, except for my health. I have 5 wonderful, smart, healthy, and happy children that God has blessed me with. I have family and friends that are supportive, albeit some judgmental, but supportive nonetheless. Everyone’s life is moving consistently in an upward pattern. My marriage has shifted to become a happy one. We smile, we talk, we make love, and we are friends. Yes, we have our moments but we have learned to value those moments and turn them into memories. I have a job that I love, and am afraid I will become detached from.

The uncertainty of mortality is something that can drive one mad. Confidences that things will be okay are often times set aside by the fear of reality and the thought that no one person can be in such a great place without a new trial. My health has become the new trial, but one that I am strong enough to conquer.

My life has been about survival. One way or the other, I have always had to fight for peace of mind, happiness, and balance. Although my path may not have always been one that others would have chosen, my path has placed me in a position of joy. How many people do you know survive the loss of a child, infidelity, abortions, death of family, all within brief years, and arrive at their current destination with a smile on their face. In my moments of insanity, there has always been a way for me to find the silver lining.

When I see my children, I see all of the positives and negatives of me. I have always been a hopeless romantic, one who believed that fairy tale and reality can coincide. Because of these inconceivable notions of fantasy, it has made me stand out from the crowd.

Turning my “Yes ma’am” lifestyle into an I can decide for myself position has given me strength that is on levels of Superhero. Because I can think for myself and make decisions that would please me, despite the judgments of others. No, I do not want offend, but people must understand that any decisions that I make will be for myself.

For now my life is in God’s hands. I may not be living the way many may have me, but I am living. At the end of the day, I have to be okay with the decisions that I have made in life. Because it is my life and I choose to live it. No matter what the results may say, I have survived too much to miss out on the things that mean the most to me. Seeing my children grown, seeing my grandchildren and possible great-grandchildren. I have seen the product of children who lose their mother’s early in life, and will make it my point for my children not to be included in this statistic.

There is a reason for everything, this is a season for me to get to know my body and take the steps necessary to live the life that is destined for me. My prayer and my goals are unchanged. Some may feel this is a result of the changes in my lifestyle, but I don’t think so because everyone has a path to walk. No judgments will fall on these positive ears.

Fear drives us to failure; therefore I declare right now fear cannot take me! My war with myself has begun, and I may lose a few battles but ultimately the war is mine to conquer!

Miss my hubby ma! Thinking about stuff and am so happy I went through all that I have and feel totally blessed because God made me stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Healthy, GREAT Fabulous 5 kids! They get on my nerves sometimes,... but wouldn't replace. Great sisters Rayeanne and Carmen. I thank God for my dad, want to see him too. Herm family. But I appreciate you prolly the most. You raised us to be strong and to know things will happen when you believe. I used to think my fairytale mentality was a weakness, but those dreams keep me moving sometimes. You went through so much to get where you are and so does everyone, but you are stronger for it! Now I am someone I love, because you instilled greatness in us! And I have been able to share that with my husband!! I never thought we would be here. Happy, healthy, together as a family..I am learning to be a friend. I got friends that I have had for more than 2 years and that is not something I have ever done. But it is important...IDK, got a job that I love most of the time. Life is like a song...At last

I may not be perfect but I am in an 'At Last' moment. Going to Herm family reunion, and spending time with the people that didn't go. Then being able to go to a family reunion with my flesh and blood. That is huge! Sometimes, with it just b...eing us 3 for so long you feel out there by yourself. I have been reading the comments under the pic of the fam, and I don't feel like we are alone anymore! We got our family. It looks like those pics and the picnic touch everyone! No matter how life goes, family and friends are just that important...Victory people are family, my friends I consider my family. But it feels good to know I have family and lots of it!! And we are all not so different. It was so nice seeing you ChaCha slide and smiling, because I know that was a completion for you too! Despite life issues, it is a good time for me right now!! And I am just taking it in and enjoying it! ♥ ya

31...5 kids, 1 abortion, 1 stillbirth, 11 years of marriage, and a tubal later they put me on birth control to help my issues! Lol...that just seemed comical to me!


Got so much I want to do and so little time to do it! How do you take over the world in 1 day? How do you make things go your way?

I should just take some time to see, what is really going on with me! Doing busy work, I recognize this symptom. Smiling a lot, I recognize this symptom. Really in my heart been a little aggrevated.

I think I am horny! lol I do miss spending time with Herman. All is do is work and sleep. And when he not sleep I wish he was, he is such a complainer! But I appreciate all he is doing for our family! We have started over, except this time he has some help. May not seem like much sometimes but it is.

You know, this is worst than a 12 step program! lol They don't have a program for missing the one you love!

Got on my myspace, which is rare. Clicked on blog...this is something I blogged on Myspace May 7, 2008:

Just felt like writing....read nothing into it!

I melt like candy in the arms of the one I love. But when I sit down and consider it....is the love already gone. I make a swift move to find my place. Plan a way to save the day. Heart of a fighter, Strength of a lion, I can't let you defeat me because I am the heroine. But with time the battle scars are growing and new positions cross my mind. Do I give in to the Loniless or will my Pride not let me dive? I'm drowning, sinking, suffocating. The walls are closing in. Were my decisions sound or did I make a big mistake. The people say your doing it but the story seems to be a play. The drama daily unfolding, begging me not to stay. For inside I feel so empty. More than fear now has a role. My white flag is getting higher. I know not where to go. So for now I'll keep my distance. Keep my heart and thoughts to me, for sharing my pain and deceptions can't be good for anybody to see. How selfish can 1 be to take advantage of the heart. Misuse it and abuse it and tear it all apart. Instead of the soothing feeling of the safety I once felt: confusion, loneliness, and regret fill that space again. Depression trying to catch me, yes I have this one war left. I may have lost many battles but part of me still believes in myself. So if you understand me or know where I may be....please do not forget me and remember a prayer for me!



I was at a low point around this time. Making decisions that were life long. Glad to see I made many good decisions that brought everything full circle to happiness!

Not much to say other than that tonight...so in the style of a lady who knows when it's time to leave..Signing off~

Well I am just sitting here, well laying here with my husband, daughter, and the kids on the floor. These moments are far and few between so I have to enjoy them as much as possible. Need to get up and cook dinner. Tonight is Jamaican Curried Chicken, was supposed to crock pot BUT forgot!!

Angels and Demons is on the television screen and my family is enjoying. I guess I will also take the kids to the pool real shortly MAYBE

I try to be respectful at all times. But the peace of my home was threatened today by someone elses control issues. Unfortunately their words fall on ears that are not going to deal with it. Life is getting ready to change, because this is my house and family and I will not be disrespected again in my own. No one has the right to enter your home in a tirade and disrupt the harmonious vibe. Because of actions taken, I have the right to put a stop.

My sister always says, I'm grown and she can't talk to me like that. I guess because I am respectful enough not to attempt to speak it gives a license to act unseemingly in my home. Not!!

The buck stops here, I mean right now!

No longer will I be your beating mule because I don't flow the way you do!

Why be a hypocrit? I choose to do what, enjoy time with my kids! That makes me evil. My kids went to a bbq yesterday and didn't do anything. But because you have to feel as though to are the reason for everything good in their life, you flaunt that. Unfornately when you were too busy to come visit and too engulfed in your situation I was raising them to be the respectful kids they are today.

I'm not about to deal with the disrespect anymore. I am 31 years old, married, and their mom. I said they could go to church on Sunday because I work. If I so choose to make plans with my kids, or they sleep in because I am getting my time in with them, there should be no words.

I am not about keeping kids away from people, so that is not an option. But it is time to set some ground rules, that get you to realize this is not your house. And you will not demand anything from me or disrespect me again!


Little One this...when you get full of yourself you can demean me as well! Aren't you in church why the heck you on FB. Whoo saaa....Lemonade....Well let me get back to living!