Update

A writer once said, "Life's lessons are designed to test the true tenacity of the reality within. Your weakness during the lesson does not the determine the outcome of who you are, but the strength that motivates you to move on. If you succeed in continuing on to the end of the lesson, you will not only see the best of who you are, but the true person that lies beneath the struggle." My last few months have been impossibly dreadful, but the strength of my conviction, the woman I am, and my hope for a better tomorrow keeps me moving forward. Tonight I cried for only the one millionth time tonight, not because I am failing, but because the sacrifice seems greater than the end result. Although I know this is not the reality of my situation, sometimes you fall. But as Donnie McClurkin so finely stated it in song, "We fall down, but we get back up." First there is the dissolution of marriage that I am contending. Even though there have been signs over the years, the man that I know today, I never expected. No love or concern for his own children. My worth is the maximum of his paycheck or his expected weakness in me. Not knowing that as gullible as I can be, my heart is growing colder than ice on a daily basis. Therefore, his attempts at making a mockery of marriage and continuing to do his norm are really becoming his downfall. His mother, the queen bitch of my existence: Fake, phony, the very reason many people wouldn't step into a sanctuary. I almost have no words for her, except to say "You thought I was weak minded, but have realized the only way you will control them is to keep them locked in your cave, but time will bring out truths you will have to face and your evils will fall into place." Then there is the missing my kids. God I can't wait until I can yell at them daily about cleaning, watch them cry, sleep, eat, poop, lol, well I can wait on that. But they are the best part of me and what motivates who I am. I work this hard for them. School is for them and me, but it means more that they are the reason I will be what I want! Mom and sis are a back bone and great support. That is all on them. Thorn in my side is my heart. The Him in my soul that I am extracting. I should have never fallen, but I did in ignorance. I see the reality of who he is and accept it. However, I don't deserve him, really I don't. If I could just make myself not feel what I feel it would be better. I have gotten to the point I don't care what people say, he says, or I say I know that it is best to keep everything platonic. I see the writing on the wall. The FB wall. I am good in my place or as needed. But I believe Dylan gave me the best medicine. A prescription I am effectively using. I will not be a horse, cow, ox, stallion, one of many of anything. Believe that! DUI. Almost over it! 166 more hours and I will have the fines paid. I have already taken the DUI class, MADD class, SA eval, 50 community service hours. In the words of Tiana (Princess and the Frog) I'm almost there. Homework due Tuesday, must complete today. But for now I am going to bed. I got sleep venting. So I am definitely taking my leave. Oh, before I do, I must acknowledge the writer of the opening lines. Definitely ME! I said it, I believe, that settles it. Signing off~ P.S. All of the previous posts of the day, were posts sitting in my drafts. Some go back as far as 2010. But as this is MY blog I decided, I would post them. Why waste good words being hidden. That is all Siging off (for real this time)~