Today...

Well I would say my day started quite big...with a big HEADACHE...IDK...all of this is becoming a bit much for me. If I'm not hurting, I'm tired and today was a bit of a combo.

But with style and grace and a bit of optimism I got up and made some breakfast. Went back down for a nap. My sinuses feel like I have a monster living in them. So I go to work.

If only that would have fixed it. It felt like someone was sitting on my shoulder and then the eye ache headache came back, my Vicks had worn off my eyeball.

So I got off and went and got my kids. I have not been able to do much with them because I am either too tired or sick...I have had 2 birthdays in the last couple weeks and was not able to do anything with them. I know I have all summer, but I feel like I failed. I have not lived up to my own expectation of who I am supposed to be. But that is something I need to mature past. Because my kids love me no matter what. And needless to say I do the best I can to make them smile. Today FOOD made them smile.

Those ribs were off the chain. I only ate a corner just to get a taste! SCOUTS HONOR!! But with them I made Sauteed Squash and Zucchini, of course some Bruschetta, and Zharea made some boxed mashed potatoes. They seemingly loved it all!! Ji got seconds on the squash. Now I am going to go ahead and put on the brownies so we can have brownies and floats.

SN: My first poaching experience has turned out to be a toilet paper looking disaster. I am already not particular about eggs, but this thing looked like it was ready to jump out and say I am the MUMMY from the pot!! But we split the egg 6 ways (yes 1 egg), I boiled my yolk a little more and put it in my seafood salad I made myself for lunch.

Outside of that I needed to see my kids who got to see their dad in his van on the way to work in his all white uniform. Bitter sweet. We laughed at the Bugar that was attacking out view and he drove away. One day we will all be off and able to enjoy our family. Until then we love in passing.

See love will be felt as long as the actions to maintain the feeling remains. We may not all see each other, but together or apart our family's love is UNBREAKABLE, just like that nasty looking poached egg. With a smile on my face and medication in hand, preparing to eat dessert and say good night to my fans--I sign off~

Just a random thought....I could be phony but that just ain't me! 2010 has motivated my reality!

So today was a totally unexpectedly horrid day! Well I did anticipate a crap shot day as I woke up in a dreadful mood.

First, good thing to note is my 30 day challenge got a minor derailment with the health issues, but I am fully back on course. Last night I had a wonderful Steak Tips with Roasted Peppers and Mushrooms and Pan Fried Parmesean Bruschetta (pics available for viewing on FB)...Then for myself tonight I enjoyed what I have named Myshrooms Chicken...or pan fried skinless chicken breast cooked with onions, roasted peppers, garlic, and of course mushrooms..and flavored with Roasted Mushroom Red Wine Sauce! And it was wonderful, with another round of the Pan Fried Parmesean Bruschetta (Pics are also available on FB for viewing)...Well after my brutal work day, in which nothing seemed to want to go right. This meal was the silver lining in my nights sky.

Fortunately my kids decided to stay another night at Grandma's house and from what they text me, she has died her hair a nice shade of purple. Which I totally find hilarious. But I believe her hair is dark enough it will look good. Anyways, my sister mentioned dinner for the kids. Well I started tomorrow's dinner for them, since it would take a few hours to prepare. Country Style ribs yes mushrooms are on them too...I did not have the fixings for my homemade sauce the kids love, so I had to go bottle. It looks pretty darn good though. Tomorrow when I rise I can put together the trimmings.

Well it has turned out to be a fabulously great smelling evening here in my ARhoma (Aroma.home combo) lol...

My challenge has been working. Food is making the hubby want me more everyday. He enjoyed the steak so much after a minor microwave insult and asked for forgiveness in a most frisky manner!

Great start to a crap day that is ending beautifully. Well I don't have much as to say so I guess I am signing off~

Random thought...

Shoo fly don't bother me, shoo fly don't bother me, shoo fly don't bother me, I'm in love with somebo ME

lol had to go there.

Recycled Pain

When I was younger, if you hurt me, I wished the same on you. As I have gotten a little wiser I have realized the same karma you wished on others may come back on you as well.

How? With wisdom comes compassion. You learn to forgive the mistakes of people in your past, and with that forgiveness comes the ability to wish them well. A true friend or expert in pain of the heart has empathy for those that hurt them.

Love is not something that should be taken lightly. For every arrow you throw, there are countless arrows heading your way. The pain seems to recycle itself like a rogue arrow.

I have made peace with my past and the one's that have hurt me in my past are no longer my foes but my friends. Today I got word that one of those friends has been hit with the same rogue arrow he threw. And I hate it. When will people ever learn? Perhaps they never will.

I take every moment as it comes and am learning to manifest positives out of the negatives. If something goes wrong, I cook. Lately that has been the most relaxing thing for me.

Tonight I enjoyed a creation of Steak Tips with Roasted Peppers and Mushrooms and some Pan Fried Parmesean Bruschetta! In every bite was a flavor I did not experience the previous bite. Worth every second I spent making it.

If we invested this much time and effort into the heart maybe more people would have more to savor. Well for now, I will just pray my arrows are sending pure love. Not torn or poisoned, not old and used, but real true love!

Love is the basis for everything we do. Some lash for the lack of love and some are overpowered by the love they have to share. Today I choose to share my overwhelming supply. Do not let one day pass without love on your side!

well another day has come and gone and i feel the need to challenge myself. i need a goal, something to reach for so..my new goal is to cook for 30 days straight starting sunday. just to see if it positively affects my sex life. if it does the statement a way to his heart is thru his stomach is valid. well as for me i have a big doctors appt tomorrow. signing off

Wow! Is all I have to say.

I have always been as stubborn as a mule when it comes to my body. Never really dwell on the bad stuff or the unhealthy things. Hate taking medication, vitamins, or anything that is repetitious. I am a rebel!

Since I have turned 30 however, my body has been experiencing things I never knew. My blood pressure has been high, even not pregnant. Can't eat sugar and stuff the way I used to. I would dare not even try to burn the midnight oil partying because the few times I have tried I felt like it would take weeks to fix it.

I really get the best times out of hanging with my kids watching movies, or on the Wii. Or now loving on the hubby!!

I thought I was really gonna check out of here the other day. It was an eye opener. Diabetes runs in my family and I have been trying to take baby steps to keep it away from my door. But I also think I have a freaking ulcer! Or an issue with gas lol.

Tuesday was the worst tho. I didn't even see it coming. Most of the time, when I get sick I feel it coming. Not this time. It was different. Yes, I had clammy skin that morning, and expressed that to my hubby but I thought it was from being tired from the time we had the night before. Yes 12 hours of loving from the husband...Not done since ever for us. It was great. We bonded and it wasn't just sex, it was the conversation that went with it. It was so great just to lay in his arms and talk. Or he was laying on my belly talking. And yes we made up for months of not much sexing too!!

AWESOMEEEE!!

So back to my clammy skin. Took a shower before I left for work, for obvious reasons, but my skin still felt weird. That was the sign I did not pay attention to I guess. Because a couple of hours later, I was leaning on a counter not understanding what was going on. I totally thank God for my co-workers that day. I really believe Floyd kept me from a Diabetic coma. I have been reading about diabetes the last couple of days. And although I believe I don't have it, I do know it is hereditary. All of my dad's family has dealt with it. But if I manage my life I can deal with it.

I have a great family and kids and appreciate all the love and support I have. Although I have always run from doctor's for fear, my fears have me running to the doctor. I will never walk alone, because I have family and God, but this is something I have to face.

Over the years, I have always questioned my lifespan. Nothing I have ever really discussed with anyone, only myself. It was nothing to give birth to me, because I always wanted to do something great and that was my something great. And I love being a mom. My kids are great. It is scaring me the older they are getting tho. They are going to grow up and leave me and I support them because that is their destiny. But I have realized recently how much I want to be here to see them get old. Have my grandbabies. And some more stuff.

Yes I do some stuff that can contribute to a shorter life span, but I am working on those things. Right now got 2 on my list of NoNo's. I am also working on my marriage. I love my husband so much. We have been thru so much. It is like a vicious cycle. Everytime we get thru one thing something else comes up. But we are going to be just fine. Not because we look to anyone else, but we are learning to love each other and are becoming inseparable friends. We pray together now, we laugh together. We can just lay in the bed and hold each other's hand while watching movies. Just for spice, we have even been watching porn, lol. YES!! But we are happy now. Happier than we have ever been.

It felt so good to represent him at the reunion this weekend. I want to build our relationships with the folks in the family that matter. That's everybody. Now there are those few that can seriously kiss my ass, but for the most part we are trying.

IDK...I needed this blog right now. I am very sleepy and am finna listen to my body and go to sleep. If the girls shut up!!! They just can't clean quietly...lmao..

Well, I guess this is goodnight. I probably won't get back on til after my appointment and depending on the news. I pray for the best but feel I am ready for it all!! My future is as bright as the stars in the sky! And I will shine!!

Signing off~

The bible says that (in my own words) "my people perish for a lack of knowledge", and for 31 years I have only looked at that in a physical, financial way. Tonight God showed me something, yes he speaks to sinners too. When you don't attempt to get to know your loved ones or people in your life, the same thing applies. Family bonds are broken and torn because people don't take the time to get to know each other. This weekend I took the time to get to know my husband's family. People that have in my personal opinion.."offended" me throughout the years. But I realize it is partially my own doing, for not stepping up and trying to get to know them. For prejudging them and judging some of their actions for my perception of these situations. I am very sorry for that too. I enjoyed my weekend, and do feel closer to those I was not close to. There are still that few that can kiss my ass, but frankly, I think I will try next chance I get.

I thank God my mother in law had Aunt Scoop invite me. The kids were interviewed by the family and by the end of the weekend people knew their names and talked to them regularly. And you know, I think my husband was the proudest of everything.

D0n't miss out on love people, because in the end that is the only thing we really have!!

I was thinking tonight about friends. As I watched my son on his field trip, I said to myself, he is not playing with anyone, does he have any friends. Most of us go thru life counting associates as friends, but as I reflected on the relationships I have with people I really realized why none of my kids don't fit into the standards "society" raise.

I am really and truly a loner.

I have a very small number of people not related to me that I consider friends and/or family and I am not ashamed to list them. Because these people don't ask anything of me. Don't expect me to come around, and a couple of them, when I tried dumping them, never stopped seeing about me.

Tonight I feel the need to mention them, one by one and why I consider them a friend.

Amilee...I don't talk to her often, have only spoken to her a couple of times this year, but when we talk it is like we never missed a beat. She has a life, young, white, dating a black guy, but she listens to me. She values my opinion and has been there for me in some tough times. She has tried to make me more sociable although I am not. But she cares.

Stephanie...also young, but I don't care what the situation, she has been a friend. Listening, or letting me listen, she has remained the same thru thick and thin. She cares about my family and is part of my family as far as I am concerned.

Qiana....wild but there. I have helped her learn about relationships and she has introduced me to my hubby. She and I talk a lot and have so much in common. She understands, now, where I come from when I say certain things. And I know if pinned against a wall she will be there. With punching gloves on.

Sean...thru his friendship I learned how to be me. Opinionated at times, he never backed down to give it to me as it was or is. And although situations hinder our conversation, I know he has always had my best interest at heart. His friendship is one I would not pay to change.

Then there is Michael David...my first boyfriend, saw me thru my first pregnancy nad even tho the relationship end never panned out, throughout the years nothing has changed. We are older and wiser and when he needs a friend to talk to, I am there, and when I need a listening ear, he is there.

My list of friends may not be long and include some people most would overlook because of their lifestyle and how they live, but they are my only true friends and until someone proves otherwise they will always be on that list. Recently I had to explain my relationship with a couple to my hubby and although he is not particular about a couple of them, he understands that I would not be the woman I am today without them.

How is this managable, it is! Because friendship, true friendship goes beyond what you read in fairy tale stories and drama stories. Love conquors all. And I appreciate all of these people and what they have contributed to my life. So if you have a friend like this, thank them for their friendship and let them know now how and why they are so important to you.

A couple of thank you's may mean the difference between a world of no appreciation....LOVE CONQUORS ALL!

Sometimes as parents, we under estimate the effect we have on our kids. When they do good, we are proud and express so, and when they do not so good things we tend to kill ourselves or pass it off as they are not listening.

But our kids watch us and listen more than we know. And when you least expect it they prove that.

Though throughout their lives they will experience adversities that you feel may harm them, it often times makes them a better person.

My son is allergic to things found in almost everything we eat. But he eats and takes benadryll and his medications to contain his asthma.

Early this school year, I thought the boy was nuts, but he has grown to be such a little gentleman that even his teacher expressed her joy of having him around. The difference one conference my husband had with his teacher has made is unspeakable.

And I am proud and blessed to have my husband, my mom, my sis, my church and my kids in my life.

Though we are a big family and people say it is impossible, we are happy. We are blessed to have each other. And though I think that there are some things I would change at times, I wouldn't because if those things had not occurred I would not be experiencing the joy my life has become.

Let's see.



You build a family, with nothing.



You fuck up the family for nothing.



The family tries to mend, everyone has to make a bend.



My back loses it's grip, my spine cracks.



I don't let it paralyze me however, I move on.



Now the nothing stays paid, and you bitch about my due.



Don't you remember the 5 kids I gave you.



Fuck what you heard, I work hard for what I got.



And if I get caught slippin' it's your job to cushion my fall.



It was your job before you just didn't take it seriously.



But time will make a difference, you will not stay on top of me!



I am working on my day, that all I have to say, is bitch if you got a problem



You don't have to stay with me!



Cuz I will hold it down, no matter what you think.



This shit is temporary, that is why I am working to better me!



My day coming where the money gonna flow, as long as I'm patient and wait



it will come.



But you still got that check going to the nothing you hurt me for



I want a fuckin refund before I walk out the door.



If I ask you to do something it is not because I want to



It is because I have to because I have to let my pride go.



5 kids made me stay, and love a little too, but bitch you better believe



My pride will let go of you!



All I got to say this time while you sit here and pout,



is get over the shit right now...AND EMPTY YA BANK ACCOUNT!!!