Wonder

U ever been confused..Don't know what to make of a situation. Past events just clouding your mind. I sit in that state right now, not know if it is really true anymore. Yes the proof comes weekly but the fact that I am having a hard time believing it is a legit is harder than it seems. It just seems like it can't be true. Illegal even. So I watch and wait. Lookng out the window, waiting to see what time tonight. I could drive out there, and as with times before not find what I am looking for because it is dark and I am lost. If I believe him and it turns out bad, my heart will be crushed again! But not totally because this time, I got something to retaliate with. Yes I said it. This time, I am playing my cards right and the egg will not just be smeared on my face. Does it matter that I can not trust him?? Yes. But no. He made this life. And I will not be the mat ever again!